Fourth of July Redneck Style!

We ventured down town last night. 
We do that every year.
The family from the Peanut Gallery hauls blankets, water bottles, bug spray and snacks down to the heart of the Fourth of July festivities.


We wiggle our way onto a patch of grass.
Un-beknownst to us, we usually plop down smack dab in the middle of the "smoke stack" couple and the Hicks from Hickerville.
Of course, our dilemma is fairly apparent moments into our adventure.
By then, escape is impossible as there is nary a slice of grass left.
There we sit for hours on end.
And it's all worth it in the end, to see the awe in our children's eyes as the fireworks display begins!

This year was no different.
Thankfully the chain smoker was a bit further away.
We only occasionally caught wind of her smoke stream.
However, the back woods family...the Hicks from Hickerville...well they were only inches from us.
As I scoped out the scene, I quickly realized we were surrounded.
And folks, they had pitched a tent!

Now, I have nothing against hicks.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I live with one.
D-man enjoys covering things with blue tarps.
He isn't ashamed to keep a pile of trash recycled items on our driveway.
And there is no doubt in my mind that he would plop a couch on our front porch if I would allow it!

I also know that not all hicks are created equal.
The antics of this particular Hick family were above and beyond what I could've ever hoped or dreamed.


At this time I must admit that I have a slight problem.
I enjoy people watching.
D-man calls it staring.
But I take pride in my discreetness while staring!
It doesn't just stop there.
I love listening to their conversations.
I believe it's called eavesdropping.


I prefer calling it "private investigation"!


Does anyone remember the As Seen On TV Loud N' Clear??
With the Loud N' Clear you can adjust the volume to your environment.
Hear a pin drop from across the room.
Make out what number the Bingo announcer is calling,
or even eavesdrop at parties.
And we mustn't forget that it is great for hunters because you can "hear wildlife before it hears YOU"!



Well...I really want the Loud N' Clear.
Mainly for Bingo and wildlife reasons...
However, I'm sure it would come in handy for situations like last night.


I had a slight problem, though.
The Donny and Marie wanna-be band had only one volume....LOUD.
It was cramping my "eavesdropping" style!


Thankfully, the family from Hickerville enjoyed conversing at an ungodly decibel.
You know the type.
The ones who seem to be having a conversation for the sake of those around them.

For instance, Daisy Mae had a heated conversation on her i-phone.
I feel sorry for the poor soul on the other end.
It was enough to curl my ear hairs.


Thankfully my children were having sugar induced moments of spacticity and were unaware of the conversations going on within inches of them.


At one point, Cletus, the assumed patriarch of the family, jumped out of his seat at Bubba John.
He hurled a whole knapsack of obscenities in his direction.
I couldn't quite make out the reason behind this.
Darn that "Donny and Marie" band.
I so needed that Loud N' Clear!


I was enthralled with the similarities of all of the women's features.
We're talkin' grandma, mother, daughters.
The youngest probably being 20. (I'm leaving the innocent littles out of this)
I expressed my observations to my sister.
She, being the perceptive dental hygiene assistant, pointed out that most of them were missing their teeth.
Which in turn, gave them similar facial characteristics.


Finally, to top it all off, Honey Lou, asked some of us around her if we could scootch off to the side a bit.
She needed to get her baby to sleep by "rocking" him in his stroller!
She then proceeded to yank that stroller back and forth with such force, I was sure poor baby Boo was gonna fly right out.
Seriously, if it hadn't have been so dark I would've video taped it.
It was unreal.
Surreal might be a better word.
Apparently she noticed a few of us wincing with each thrust of the stroller.


Don't Worry...she kindly reassured...
I ain't gonna run you over!


My investigations were cut short.
Apparently my children wanted me to pay attention to them.
And, I might add, they were every bit as entertaining.
In fact, I'm sure that someone is writing a blog post about their observations of my children at this very moment!
At some points in the evening they were just plain weird.
I laughed at them and pretended my sister was their mother!


C-boy and J-boy were bustin' some serious grooves.
I might add that no one around us was dancing.
They apparently are unopposed to being the center of attention.
Nothing like a little "Saturday in the Park", "Funky Town", and "Celebrate Good Times" to get the dancing juices flowing.
And did they ever flow.

Finally, the fireworks display was beautiful.
And wouldn't you know it...the Hicks from Hickerville sang along at the top of their lungs!
That my friend, was icing on the cake!


I will now end this extremely long description of our most eventful evening with a few pictures.











I hope that your Fourth of July was every bit as fun and memorable as ours!