The way it really happened..

So, this is the way we do things around here.
I happened to run into the library to pick up some books on hold.
I mozied on over to the children's section.
We needed to fill our book basket with some new and interesting reading material.
You know, the kind of books that stimulates a child's imagination.
The kind of books that allow them to travel to exotic places right in the comfort of their own home.
You know "living books". The kind of book that teach facts, that would otherwise be boring, in an animated, riveting new way!
Well, we found just that.


Now, to be clear, I didn't thumb through this book before I checked it out.
It happened to be one of the "display books".
You know, the ones that sit on the top of the book shelves as if to say "pick me".
And yes, I will admit, this is how I pick many of the children's books that we check out. Somehow, squatting down and thumbing through a bajillion books, just isn't my favorite thing to do.
The title got me.
Welcome with Love.
I bit.

Fastfoward to that evening.
S-girl always has me read a story, or two, or three, before bedtime.
So we snuggled into her bed and began to read said book.
We read about a family who is preparing to welcome a new baby into their home.
Jack, the little brother is telling us the story.
They are setting out tiny socks and clothes and really just "nesting".
"Ahhh, what a cute little story!" I think to myself.


Soon, the midwife arrives.
She proceeds to set out instruments that will be used during the babies birth.
Oh look, big sister is listening to little Jack's heartbeat with a doppler.
Could you get any more delightful than that?
At this point, I think,"Hmmm...this will be interesting. A home birth. I'll get to explain to S-girl that some people choose to have their babies at home. Yes, we are learning something new here."


Then mom, with labor not progressing, decides to go for a walk.
In a snowstorm.
I think, "Well, what woman in her right mind would do this?
Is she going to get lost in the woods?
Is this going to be THAT kind of story?
You know, where the baby is born in the woods and a friendly bear comes and snuggles mother and child until they are found?"


Oh, PHEW...she found her way home.
Now she's explaining to Jack that during labor she might make a lot of noise, because that's what it's like when babies are born.
Yelling and screaming will help her to feel much better. (She obviously hasn't heard of the GLORIOUS epidural. I kid, I kid)
I keep eyeing S-girl to see what she thinks of all this. At this point she is very quiet. As if she is pondering it all.


Ahem... the walk in the snow storm did the trick.
Labor is progressing.
Mom is yelling so loudly the whole town hears it.
I'm thinking, "Oh, I'm so pleased they are actually showing that walking during labor is O.K., and can be beneficial for the progression of labor!" (just the R.N. in me!)
Who KNOWS what S-girl was thinking!
I must say, at this point, I am beginning to wonder where all of this is leading. (I mean, I KNOW where it's leading...but you know what I'm sayin'.)



O.K..... I think I KNOW where this is leading.....




But, nothing could have prepared me for this turn of events!
How did she go from fully clothed, to fully un-clothed with a baby in between her legs all in one page!!!!???"
I continue to read calmly.
I am desperately trying to hold in my laughter.
For some reason, this picture is conjuring up the giggles in my mature, 36 year old self!
But we are at the point of no return.
S-girl has already seen the picture.
So we might as well chalk it up as a LEARNING EXPERIENCE!
After I read the page, S-girl looks at me, wide eyed and says,
"THE BABY CAME OUT OF HER BUTT????"
I, of course, went on to explain the "3 hole scenerio"!
Ya know, the one where mommies have three holes.
One for peeing, one for pooing, and one for pushing babies out!!
Oh, you haven't heard that one before?
Well, yeah, I'm quick on my feet and thought it was a pretty sophisticated way of explaining it all to a 4 year old!
Her next question was, "Is that lady going to eat the baby??"
Looking at the picture, I can see where S-girl is coming from!
Her mouth is open, for goodness sake!
I quickly reply, "No honey, she's just catching the baby!" But I think to myself, "With the way this book is going, they'll probably eat the placenta!"


Moving on....O.K...I guess we are not moving on yet! Somebody, get that baby a blanket. We don't want hypothermia to set in! Especially with a snow storm raging outside!
Oh, and get mom a blanket too! Please.



And finally, they are all tucked in.
Now we get a lesson on all things placenta.
I must say we did enjoy the lesson, though!
And guess what?
It was a very HEALTHY placenta.
For which, we are all thankful!



And finally, Jack is so happy that everyone gets to sleep together that night.
And so am I. And so am I!!
I'm thinkin' little Jack may have a few nightmares after all his little eyes have witnessed.


So how was S-girl, after seeing such a fascinating portrayal of childbirth?
Just fine, thank you.
In fact, when D-man went in to say good night, I had him ask her what she thought of the story.
She didn't even remember I had read a story.
Out of sight, out of mind!
Or maybe that was just a "coping" mechanism.


Thank you Jenni Overend and Julie Vivas.
For stimulating my daughter's 4 year old imagination!
For teaching her something in a new and exciting way.
For taking her on an adventure, right there in the comfort of her own bedroom.
I don't think I could have described it any more vividly myself!



***disclaimer***
I am in no way against "natural" child birth!
I am in no way against "the family bed"! (except for at my house!)
I AM against "eating the placenta"! (not done in this book)
Lastly, I AM against "natural" childbirth when it comes to little ole' me!
Give me an incommodious hospital bed, a snap up gown, and an epidural in my back...and all is well in the world!

Thank you and Goodnight!

edited to add: I wrote this awhile ago, but just had to share it over at O My family book week. Visit her to see more wonderful book reviews.